TESLA IN FREEFALL: ELON MUSK’S DESPERATE PLEA TO EMPLOYEES!
Hold onto your hats, folks! The great Elon Musk is facing the biggest storm in Tesla history! After the Tesla stock dived a shocking 50% in just three months, Musk is grabbing the bull by the horns in an all-hands meeting, calling it “a little bit of stormy weather.” Can you believe it?
In a dramatic broadcast late Thursday on X, Musk declared, “If you read the news, it feels like Armageddon!” He cracked jokes about his electric vehicles bursting into flames on TV, saying, “I understand if you don’t want to buy our product, but you don’t have to burn it down. That’s a bit unreasonable.” Unbelievable!
IS TESLA ON THE BRINK? MUSK SAYS ‘HANG ON’ TO YOUR STOCK!
As the CEO launched into yet another round of promises, he assured everyone that Teslas are just a software update away from achieving full autonomy. Talk about a broken record! Musk has been promising self-driving cars since 2016, and now he’s calling himself “the boy who cried wolf.” But wait! He did manage to get some applause when he urged: “What I’m saying is hang on to your stock!”
In a flicker of hope, Tesla shares perked up by 1.8%—a measly recovery from a catastrophic drop from December’s staggering high of $479.86. What’s going on here?
VANDALISM, BACKLASH & A PARADE TO GLORY!
Things have hit a nerve! The backlash against Musk’s involvement with the former President’s administration has triggered protests across the globe. Disturbing scenes of vandalism targeting Tesla showrooms and vehicles have become more common. What a mess!
Production of the beloved Model Y has also been halted as the automaker reconfigures its lines. Musk claimed, “We actually literally make the best-selling car on Earth,” but is it enough to calm the raging storm?
CHEAP SHOCKER: TRUMP’S SECRET WEAPON!
In a wild twist, former President Trump showcased a parade of Teslas on the South Lawn of the White House, all to save face for Musk. Meanwhile, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick went on live TV urging everyone to snatch up Tesla stock, claiming, “It’ll never be this cheap again!” Could this violate ethics rules? The drama thickens!
BUT WAIT! MUSK PROMISES A BRIGHT FUTURE!
Despite the chaos, Musky maintained a glimmer of hope, declaring, “What I’m here to tell you is that the future is incredibly bright and exciting!” He’s convinced they’re on a path to achieve what “no one has even dreamed of.”
Dan Ives, a long-time Tesla bull, described the meeting as a “first step for Musk to show he is going to lead Tesla through this tumultuous period.” But, will it be enough to save this sinking ship? Ives earlier warned Musk to step back from politics and focus on saving the Tesla brand from a “tornado crisis moment.” Yikes!
ELON’S DREAMS OF FLYING HIGH!
As Musk peppered the meeting with impromptu comments, he even expressed interest in creating airplanes! “I’d actually love to make airplanes, especially, but I’m stretched pretty thin,” he revealed, humorously adding, “I have, like, 17 jobs.” Whoa, talk about multitasking!
He even teased the possibility of an electric supersonic jet! “Maybe, at some point, we’ll do that.” Is this man ever going to rest? Stay tuned, because this wild ride is just getting started!
photo credit: fortune.com
